What it is to love

I kind of have a lot to say about what's been going on a lot in my mind and in my heart and in my life. Back in November, the Lord called me to go to Honduras to be a teacher at a bilingual school in a small town called La Union, Lempira. I knew God was taking me here with the intention of making a difference in kids' lives, but I had no clue it would be this challenging.

When you think of teaching kids, you have this idea in your mind that you are going to hit them with the truth and they are automatically going to grow up and be enlightened and be these perfect students, all because they were sitting quietly and listening to you speak and writing down everything you were saying... but that's far from what happens.

I teach 5th graders. Little did I know that I would have what teachers refer to as the "student from hell". One of the most difficult, disrespectful, misbehaved, loud-mouthed boys I've ever met. Not only is he rude to me and doesn't listen to me when I tell him to do something, he distracts the other kids by standing up and taking their things during class, he has his hands on the other students all the time, not to mention he and the "leader" of the class team up with 2 of their other punk friends in the class, and when they get to playing around and yelling and ignoring me, it is next to impossible to get any teaching done, which is a terrible learning environment. Then they say rude things under their breath and make fun of the way I talk or how I look. I have gone home and cried several times. I haven't done anything to deserve that! I have wanted to give up because it makes me feel worthless and it's a miserable experience for anybody to go through.

For the past year, I have lived by the notion to "love the unlovable". Every day I make the choice to be kind to people no matter who they were or what other people thought about them. I never dreamed it would be this difficult. Every time I am angry and emotionally worn out from dealing with the disrespect I get from my students, it's in these moments that I remember why I'm there. I came here to love on kids, and who better to love on than a kid with a troubled home life?? Every time I get down and feel like I'm not getting through to these kids, the Holy Spirit speaks to me and reminds me to keep pressing on. He never told me it was going to be a breeze, but each day I choose to love my students despite how they treat me. I look for the good in them, encourage them and tell them that they are worth something. I do this despite the disrespect because I know that the Lord is big, and when I am obedient to his calling, when I choose to love on the difficult ones, his work will get accomplished. Even when they are rude to me, I choose to be polite to them. I choose to encourage them to be better, because I know that Love can change anybody. If they learn nothing from my lessons, but they learn that they are loved by God and that they have self worth and are aware that I love them too, then my job is complete. THAT is what I came here to do.