JB

If you've never had a close friend die, it's a strange thing. You really don't know how deeply it can affect you. Often times it springs up out of nowhere, and memories of that person and old emotions come flooding back into your memory, even a year or years after that person has passed. It's like in the blink of an eye, somehow in your subconscious, you feel like you've just talked to that person or had an interaction with them, and it's weird. Weird, but comforting.

It's been ten and a half months since a good friend of mine, JB, passed away unexpectedly. Now, when I say good friend, I mean we had a special place for each other in our hearts that no one else could fill. He was the epitome of  what a friend is supposed to be. He was selfless, thoughtful, playful, vibrant, insightful, intelligent, and the most sacrificial friend any person could ever know. When you talked, he listened. When you were sad, he was there with a hug and kind words. He then would follow up and ask how you were doing the next time he saw you. He remembered things about you that most other people would forget. He always had positive things to say about people. He made me feel like the most important person in his world.

The first month or so after his passing, I had a hard time understanding why. I cried a lot. He was all I thought of. I was frustrated with God because I couldn't see the reason he would take such a person with so much love to give out of this world so full of people pining to be loved. I just couldn't understand why. It wasn't long before the healing process set in and I was OK with things. Not a day goes by that I haven't thought of him in these last ten months, but as far as grieving, I has coped.

Yesterday afternoon, one of his sisters posted a picture of him with his sisters on either side, looking happy and standing there with the most natural and content smiles.

Last night I had a dream that brought him back to me so fiercely. I dreamt that they were walking toward me in the same position as in that picture, laughing and smiling. He then, with a huge smile, opened his arms and embraced me with the warmest, biggest hug ever. We laughed like old times and shared a peck or two (yes we kissed back in college), and just sat there, forehead to forehead, nose to nose, embracing and smiling at each other. Soaking it all in. All of a sudden, all the old feelings I had when I was around him came back: feelings of rest and lightheartedness and stress free.

It was so real. I feel like I just saw him. My body feels like I just came out of a huge hug. It's weird, but I'm comforted by these dreams (yes, THESE dreams. This isn't the first dream I've had since he's been gone) when he comes to visit me.  It makes me confident that he is happy and in a much better place and not in pain anymore.

I feel like God gives me these dreams as a way of letting me know that he's still alright. It's a way of seeing him again here in this world, even though he doesn't physically exist anymore. His memory makes me smile, and being reminded that I will see him again gives me hope. See you again someday, JB!